Choons!

Being that tonight is my workplace's sophomore Silent Disco, I felt that it now was an appropriate time to select the five songs I want them to play...which they won't. The following make my soul sing to varying degrees. They are deep, meaningful, spiritual pieces that have shaped my life greatly. They are, without question, works of importance comparable to Mendelssohn or Tchaikovsky.

How did they achieve such greatness? By being danceable as fuck.

Prepare to be donked.

1. MARGARET BERGER - ROBOT SONG

The fact that this wonderful Scandinavian songstress is not more well known globally is, frankly, insane. She's a one-woman Girls Aloud with the glacial mystery of Annie Lennox and the weird synthiness of Roisin Murphy! She's all you could want in an electropopper! And speaking of poppers, the above song was made for them. In short, it's about robo-human love and the familial disdain that stems from it. So fairly cookie-cutter stuff. But the robotic nature of the track is at once fresh, dancetastic and - oddly - quite heartbreaking. This comes from her second album Pretty Scary Silver Fairy (out in 2006) and still sounds brand-spanking two years later. She deserves to be right up there with the Kellys and Leonas of the reality-pop world, not languishing in the seventh layer of the Woolies skip with the Eoghans and the Leons! I pray this will change. Nightly.

2. THE SHAMEN - DESTINATION ESCHATON

Another underrated gem. Built for big-fish-little-fish. It's the throbbing, whirring anthem for some future revolution. In space, probably. It's exciting. It's bleepy. It's utterly unintelligible. Seriously, what the fuck is any of it supposed to mean? It doesn't matter. But for those of you who - like me - are intrigued, here, here and here. Kinda blunts its danceability a tad, hmm? On second thoughts, ignore the links! IGNOOOORE!

3. JOHN WILLIAMS VS JUSTICE - IMPERIAL STRESS

One of the most ingenious mashups in history. Taking Justice's Stress and mating it with the Imperial March from Star Wars shouldn't work. But by Christ it does. It's everything a good club song should be: energising, a little terrifying, and a touch insane. Kudos to DJ Beloki for smacking Darth Vader full in the face with a gated synth. Take that, the Force! And thanks to whoever created that picture of those female Vadergimps looking severely in need of a slash. In conclusion: Glowsticks? Lightsabers? Terribly similar, no? And I've certainly never seen them in the same room together. Hmm...

4. GARBAGE - CHERRY LIPS

Another entry in the chart from us über-cool Scots. Well...ish. A proper departure for Garbage, and one their hardcore fanbase really really hated. Luckily for mid-densitycore fans like me, it's a bit of a laugh! Lightweight and chirpy in tone, despite the fact that it's about some form of child prostitute. Hence the name. Hmm. Also, ignore Shirley's invisipiss at the end. Frankly confusing.

5. GIRLS ALOUD - LOVE IS PAIN

Arguably the best track from Girls Aloud's most recent album, Out of Control, yet looks unlikely to get a single release. This is why the video above is half-heartedly cobbled together from bits of The Loving Kind. A pity. Nonetheless, this song, like the four above it is both catchy enough to sing along to and opaque enough to mean it's nigh-on impossible to understand. Simply, it seems to be about heartbreak (Cheryl and Ashley, ooh how personal, scandal scandal etc.), but when it starts banging on about secret codes and shit, it's best to switch off your mind and throw some dodecahedrons. Structurally unorthodox, as most GA tracks are, Love Is Pain is the number seven single that never was or will be. *sniff*

So there we have it. The five songs I would like to have in my ears tonight that almost certainly won't. They may not all be to your taste, or indeed particularly credible, but it's my blog and I'm in charge, so you can fuck off. Thanks for reading!